Right now I'm lost, I can't find myself, I'm in the total darkness. I don't know why is this happening to me. I thought I haven't lost identity while living with him, I thought I was a strong person, a free one and now I'm having a hard time trying to do the normal things in life, I'm not able to even cook for myself. I quit my job and I don't have a clear panorama of what am I going to do. And I'm going to need the money so bad. Rough times are coming for me, well, they are already here. I didn't want him to think I'm immature and that I didn't understand the whole situation, but I can't pretend that he acting normal is not affecting me. I come to realize too late that he became everything for me, I let this happened, I was comfy and feeling great. I was happy and safe, and now he's happy and sure about the things he wants to do, and I cannot deny it, it makes me feel terrible that he is so well and I'm so pathetic right now.
He's confusing me with his kindness and with his words and his normality, I'm in shock, I'm not well, I'm lost. I want to do so many things and at the same time, I just want to lay in bed forever. I want to believe I'm strong, but right now I'm so weak, I feel like a loser. I don't understand how come I got to be alone again if I did everything correctly, I was a model girlfriend and yet here I'm.
I don't know what I like anymore. What kind of food I like, if I like to go to the cinema, if I want to travel the world, even what kind of job makes me happy.
I know I need to put myself together, I know I have to fight right now against myself and organize my ideas and my life. I know I have to overcome this situation and find the strength I need to be again, the girl who talked to strangers, the girl who organized events and met everybody and was happy all the time. The independent girl I used to be. The thing is I don't know how to do any of these things anymore, where to look so I can find them.
I'm lost, I can't find motivation. I'm sad, it's hard for me to find mental peace.
I wish I could say I hate him, I wish I could strip him off my life and heart and maybe not know anything about him anymore. But I can't, he's such a good person, and he has been my perfect life partner, that I just can't, and this is why this all thing is so hard and painful.
Someday I'll say "I learned so much about this relationship and about this break up" but I'm not even close to being ready for it.
He's confusing me with his kindness and with his words and his normality, I'm in shock, I'm not well, I'm lost. I want to do so many things and at the same time, I just want to lay in bed forever. I want to believe I'm strong, but right now I'm so weak, I feel like a loser. I don't understand how come I got to be alone again if I did everything correctly, I was a model girlfriend and yet here I'm.
I don't know what I like anymore. What kind of food I like, if I like to go to the cinema, if I want to travel the world, even what kind of job makes me happy.
I know I need to put myself together, I know I have to fight right now against myself and organize my ideas and my life. I know I have to overcome this situation and find the strength I need to be again, the girl who talked to strangers, the girl who organized events and met everybody and was happy all the time. The independent girl I used to be. The thing is I don't know how to do any of these things anymore, where to look so I can find them.
I'm lost, I can't find motivation. I'm sad, it's hard for me to find mental peace.
I wish I could say I hate him, I wish I could strip him off my life and heart and maybe not know anything about him anymore. But I can't, he's such a good person, and he has been my perfect life partner, that I just can't, and this is why this all thing is so hard and painful.
Someday I'll say "I learned so much about this relationship and about this break up" but I'm not even close to being ready for it.
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